I would say the school week ended well, but as it always seems to be, it was a mixed bag. My classes all made it through their second week's prompt--tell me about a time and place you were terrified, in order to get them used to the basic notion of coming up with ideas--and most kids turned their stuff in Friday, so I could fill them in on next week's task (district diagnostic benchmark testing), and have the weekly candy raffle.
In short, a theoretically easier day, and one that capped off a mostly successful week, both in school and personally. But, it being a Friday, they were much antsier, and I had to do a lot of disciplining. Plus one student assaulted me, so I had a whirlwind lunch with dealing with that, and then jumping out of class later to speak to the police. Getting someone suspended, and pressing charges: Not the sort of thing I enjoy doing/dealing with.
I've realized that the fact of how little I enjoy disciplining kids, and therefore how ineffectively I'd been doing it, was the reason behind a lot of my classroom management problems. Well, that one won't be around for a while, which sucks for him, and for me, as much as it would benefit the classroom.
When I gave my statement to the police, I said I wouldn't press charges. I didn't know how to respond, how one ought to act in that sort of situation; I just felt lost. I got advice from several people, though, and I let it stew in the back of my mind; I have to remember to call the hotline later and have them put the paperwork in to start the process of pressing charges.
That kid aside, like I said, the week went well. I left work each day tired, but happy. That, in and of itself, is a massive triumph over the first three weeks. I connected with more kids, learned more names, and felt more in control of the classroom. I participated in the staff meeting (and accidentally skipped the professional development I was supposed to attend on Thursday), hung out with kids at lunch, made dozens of good phone calls home, and had another workshop Thursday after school (which was why I forgot about the professional development), where a lot of the kids who've been rocking zeroes showed up to get missed work and help with their essays.
My own window of non-school life expanded, too. Wednesday I hit the Fair Trade Cafe, to find that the slam had been cancelled, so I just worked, bullshit with Melanie and Brad, and went home to write a bit and pass out. Thursday I didn't hit Club Blunt, because I had a cohort meeting I'd forgotten about--a.k.a, sangria and homemade burritos with a dozen other teachers, to tell jokes and stories (rather than bitch) about our jobs, and in the last five minutes of hanging out, get a bunch of usable resources for our jobs. Last night, I hit the Agua Fria high school football game with a bunch of fellow teachers who'd been there for Institute, saw one of my students, and got to watch a ridiculously good game; it was a grudge match between AF and Desert Edge, and the teams kept exchanging drives, and it wasn't decided until the last minute. AF won the game on the most absurd desperate pass play--the cornerback faltered on the five yard line, giving the receiver the extra two steps he needed, and the QB just lofted it forty yards into the receiver's hands, getting it there just as the corner caught up and rolled the kid over. Grabbed grub, gas, and 40s on the way back, and decided to hit Shelley's for a pool party with no swimsuit--just strip to boxers and jump in with malt liquor in each hand.
Today, I'm torn--I could go chaperone a dance at Bidali's school with a bunch of other people, and meet some new people to go drinking with tonight. On the other hand, my stomach is still not happy with me, and it's already 1, so I won't get much done if I head out to chaperone at 5. I could go see Inglourious Basterds with Carey and spend my night rhyming instead, which sounds like a pretty excellent experience right now. I'll decide later.
One other thing--expressions of anger aside, I'm still an idiot. Wednesday morning, my phone rang on the way to work, and I caught myself grabbing at it. I know why, and I realize I've done the same happy grab for my phone, when it buzzes with a text or rings, a couple of times in these past few days. Thursday, Emily actually called during my cohort dinner. I spent the drive home, and my trip through Safeway, debating whether to call back, how to act, how to speak, what to say. I'd almost settled on calling, and hoping that she wouldn't pick up, so I could just be "Yeah, I called, your turn," in the non-existent game that we're not playing that I keep in my mind.
I called, and we talked for a half hour or so. It was nice, it was happy. She told me about her past couple days, I filled her in on mine for a few, and then she had to go, because Matty and his girlfriend (I assume) came back. She said that she would call back later, and I told her not to worry about it. I guess because I didn't want her to feel obliged to speak with me, to have to keep in touch, because that's not what she wants. Just me making sure she's okay, stupid sappy me.
Thing was, I didn't necessarily want her to call back, because I didn't know what else to say. "I still love you?" "I jump at the phone in the hopes that it's you?" "I hate you because I love you and you don't want me?" I'm sure it would have devolved into something shitty, so it's probably for the best. She's coming through town tomorrow, and I'm not sure if we should hang out. I realize I'm setting myself up to be available, but I'm guaranteed to be let down--she'll want to hang out with her family, and still won't want me.
I think the phone call was cheery and happy for me for two reasons. One, I got to talk to her, which I guess I ultimately wanted to, and it didn't involve bitching or angst, as it easily could have. Two, it showed me what could be--a very easy relationship, one where we don't have to talk all the time, busy as we both would be, but keeping in touch, and trying to see each other when we could. After all, I'm sitting here with Audrey and Danny in Hob Nobs, and that's the sort of thing Audrey's doing.
But such thoughts are stupid, wasteful, childish, grasping, pointless. I'm going to push them away, buy a coffee, refill my cranberry cocktail, and crank through some grades. :-)
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